Both sides of my family are about as functional as Christopher Reeves legs (what too soon?)

I got an email from a family member that I haven't spoken to since last December yesterday. It brought back a lot of memories, and felt good to know that she was thinking of me. Unfortunately, these past 10 months have been a big misunderstanding, and we could've been talking, but alas, you can't look at the bad. At least we are talking now right? This email and influx of emotions got me thinking about family and how important it truly is.

Everyone has many sides to their family. Growing up I always thought my mom's side was messed up. Who wasn't divorced on that side? Why weren't we talking to this aunt again? On the other side, my dad's family was rainbows and butterflies in my little head. You know, big Catholic family. Tons of cousins. Fun get togethers and picnics in the summer. Basically nothing better this side of heaven right? Wrong! To put it bluntly, both sides of my family are about as functional as Christopher Reeves legs (what too soon?) But I'll be damned if we don't make that work for us.

Everyone has that "crazy" aunt that no one likes to speak of but then again everyone loves to talk about when she isn't around. Right? Right, that ONE crazy aunt. My family tree is chock full of them. If I were to categorize them I would probably be hard pressed to find one I could describe as "sane." Now, as stated in my previous blog, I am not the definition of normal, nor do I want to be, but there has been some fucked up shit thrown down in my family.

Anytime you get a group of more than one person together there are going to be different opinions. Most families (at least I am under the assumption), handle this by talking it out--perhaps arguing for a bit--but then crossing over to another subject. Yeah, not so much my family. We throw punches, get the cops involved, sue each other, disown members-- the usual.

So far I have touched base on the extended portion of my family. My immediate family isn't SO bad. I grew up in a semi-normal environment--if you count my dad being in and out for most of my child hood because he was chasing his dream of becoming a rock star then only to become drug addicted and tear apart my family normal--then yeah, it was right on course. Growing up that was normal for me though. I wasn't aware that all dads didn't do that. My mom was always there for me. I never went without--in fact I often went with too much. I was spoiled by both sets of grandparents. I was the only grandchild for more than a decade, and I'm sure they bought gifts to hide the fact my dad was sucking the big one in his job description. 

After the divorce, I realized that is not how all little girls grew up. I always hid the fact that I was fine with it, but deep down it killed me. Why couldn't my dad be there for me like all the other girls in my class? I had a grandfather I absolutely (and still do) adore. I should've been happy right? Well, I guess you always want what you didnt have. I don't think that was the case with me though. I felt that I deserved a good dad. I got jipped. I held up my portion of the deal right? I was a cute as hell daughter. I never made him play dress up---that often!

Now that I am older and have had a chance to reflect on the past, I realize that yeah, while it sucked (and quite honestly still sucks sometimes now), I wouldn't be who I am without my history. Did it suck that my mom had to be both mom and dad? Yes. Did it hurt to have to make excuses for him all those years? Sure, but it taught me a lot. It has taught me what I want out of life; the type of family I want to raise. I know what I want for my family. I don't want my kids to have to go through the same things I did.

I know my mom blames herself (even still) for some of the things that happened in our past, but I am writing this for both her and me. She was the greatest (and still is) role model a messed up girl could ask for. She held herself together in times of trouble. She didnt lower herself to the childish games my dad played. She was always composed and classy. She taught me to stand up for what I believe in. She has taught me to take shit from no one. Most importantly, she has taught me the type of mom I want to be.

It's funny how rants like this can be sparked by one little email, but it really got me thinking. I am happy that she contacted me. It shows me that other people are willing to look beyond the bullshit. It means a lot that she wants to have a relationship with me regardless of the fact of another family dispute, and that's how it should be. Yes, there are some people I have chosen to cut out of my life, but that's exactly what I did--cut them out. I hope others realize that even though I don't want a relationship with that particular person; I still want contact with everyone else. It has been a tough 10 months, and I hope that with this cut in the family tie rebound, it can start to get easier.